We rarely read or hear the stories of men who are sexual assault victims because society often expects them to suck it up and be a ‘man.’ It is why men like 50 Cent mocked Terry Crews to telling his own story. It is why many men suffer silently because they can’t speak.
But this Nigerian man, Abolaji Dairo, has taken to Facebook to break that silence.
Posting on his page, Dairo who works in the insurance sector, wrote about being raped from the age of 7 by their family’s domestic staff, how he lived with that scar.
He wrote, per Bellanaija:
MY FIRST SEXUAL EXPERIENCE
I got introduced to sex at about 7years old by our house maid. Looking back now, she must have been in her late teens or early twenties then.
I had gone to my dad’s house for the holidays (we weren’t living together) and they had this house help hired by my stepmom.
The memory of how and when it actually started fails me. It happened repeatedly and she would threaten to kill me if I told anyone. Somehow, I believed her and I couldn’t tell anyone, but I remember that I would cry whenever I was to be left alone with her at home. All my cryings kind of added to her pleasure as she would dip my head in-between her thighs to make me suck on her. It was as if she had a built-up fantasy and eagerly wanted to experiment. She made me do all sorts, I should spare you the details. I later resigned myself to my fate with her, and it continued till the end of the holiday.
I remember the fears I had and the feelings of helplessness. My folks never suspected a thing. They probably thought I was just throwing childish tantrums whenever I was to be left with her. Decades down the line, I still shiver whenever I remember my helplessness that day. Well, this experience was like a forerunner to others that followed.
The boy child is already at a disadvantage. Even if he could give an account of what transpired, who would believe him? How does he prove that his person had been violated?
Unlike the girl child, he does not bleed when molested. You might not notice it in his walk and you probably won’t find any evidence even if you subject him to physical examination. But the act often leaves the very essence of his being shredded. Worst still, the society expects him to keep quiet, he fears being called a weakling. So he sucks it all in, the experience builds up, stratas upon stratas until a character and an identity is formed.
You should pay attention to the boy child too. That compulsive behavior, that sudden mood swings… they might be his way of dealing with the insanity he was dealt. If only you knew that his Rome was not built in a day.
I urge us all to join in this advocacy. If you would like to share your experience without your name being mentioned (that is anonymously), please chat me up.